The perfect public restroom:

Starts with an entry way - just somewhere to stand should a line develop. This will lead to a row of urinals (the right height, and depth as to prevent splashing) spaced far enough apart, with dividers - preferably with a ledge (to place a drink on).

The sinks are on the opposite wall, it's disgusting to be in the same line as men peeing when you are trying to clean your hands. They are positioned on a counter top that is sloped towards the sink in order to prevent a solid inch of water from leaving a nasty line on trousers should one accidentally lean against the vanity. The faucets would have sensors and one thick flow - not the kind with several thin streams. Foam soap...with a sensor.

Hand dryers in order of preference:

1. XLerator. This goes against my typical aversion to clever misspellings for marketing purposes - but this guy makes up for it. It is fast, hygienic, loud (to drown out anyone who might still be trying to talk to you in the bathroom) and entertaining (it moves all the skin around on your hand). Plus they are motion controlled, so you don't feel wasteful for walking away before it is done.

2. Motion controlled paper towel dispenser. Only if it ejects a sheet long enough to actually dry hands with. Few things are more annoying than having to wait for that dang red light to go off so you can wave your hand around like a moron attempting to get another square-inch of paper towel.

3. Lever controlled paper towel dispenser. Preferably the kind that has a big enough handle to push with my elbow. I don't like the tiny ones that you have to grip.

4. Regular paper towel dispenser. When correctly loaded these classic fixtures can allow for perfectly controlled and customizable hand drying.

The following have no place in a public restroom:

5. Regular-powered hand dryers. They are ineffective, slow and wasteful. I always end up giving in and just wiping my hands on my jeans.

6. Funneled paper towel dispensers. The kind that looks like you are pulling a Clorox wipe out of the bin. By the time the towel is flattened to full capacity it is too wet to do any good. Also difficult to pull out the right amount, they just keep coming.

7. The fabric towel swing. While this is an entertaining novelty - it is just sick. Sick.

8. "Using both hands, pull firmly on edges of towel. If no towel is present turn wheel on side of fixture." No, just give me a damn towel. This isn't a freaking Olympic sport.

All this leads to a trash can near the door, one without a lid and no overhang (to allow for an easy toss-in), and a door that you can push open. Yes, push. Why would I go through all the trouble of sanitizing my hands just to have them soiled by the neanderthal before me who wouldn't know good hygiene if it licked the underside of his shoe.

One day I will find this place and I will pee a very happy man.