Dave Ramsey has nothing

I am not embarrassed to admit, my money management skills are paltry. When it comes to all things financial I am a lost cause. (Side note: I actually think it's an endearing quality of mine, this lack of interest in all things fiscal. (A side note to that would be - most other people consider this to be irresponsible and lazy, not charming. Which really leads me to another thing I find beguiling about myself: I am able to recognize my charm, even when others do not.)

Needless to say, I am acquainted with the 'overdraft.'

Today I was overdrafted. Luckily, today I also received a paycheck. However, I have learned from experience that a check does not necessarily equal money. Meaning, if I have zero dollars in an account and deposit a check - that does not mean I suddenly have check amount of dollars. It simply means I have deposited a check. For those of you who aren't following, I can't explain - ask Missy at Regions, she seems to know what she is talking about (but don't talk to Walter, he just reads you all your transactions for the past week and you can hear the judgement in his voice when he reads, "McDonald's -- $3.96," for the fifth time.) So, I decided to have my check cashed and deposit cash (which is actual money, despite what Ron Paul says.)

Being a resident of Memphis, I thought I was aware of the widespread ability to cash a check in nearly every neighborhood in the city (at least the ones who choose to exclude the prefix "neighbor"). Much to my surprise, things are not nearly as easy I thought they would be. When the big neon-balloon-letters on the window say "Cash Today" or "Checks Cashed" they do not mean the same kind of cash I mean. They actually mean "not cash."

A rundown:

Suntrust Bank - I thought a bank would be a good choice. I know they have money. The cashier was a lovely lady who used to work at the branch of Regions I use. They don't cash other bank's checks if I don't have an account with the bank...she suggested a liquor store. (I should have followed her advice more quickly.)

Kroger - The service center lists "check cashing" as one of the options - right under "money wire" and "tobacco sales." It takes 3-4 business days to get approved for this service. I needed somewhere faster, shadier. She suggests Check Advance, in the same shopping center.

Check Advance - They made promises of 'Cash Your Check for Less,' 'Up to $300 Same Day.' But they put it on an electronic debit card, which is also not real money, and I don't think I can deposit it in my account. He suggests Kroger.

Cash Advance - This one said "cash" in the title, so I figured it was a good move.

Me: "Can I cash a check here?"

CA: "We don't cash checks here."

Me: "How do I get a cash advance?"

CA: "We don't actually have any cash here."

Me: "What is it that you advance?"

CA: "Can I help you with something else?"

She suggested I try Hewitt Financial Services. She was crazy.

Memphis Cash for Checks - I knew this would a shoo-in. They had everything I wanted in the name. It was not. They did not. They did not know where I should go.

BP - I went next door to the Memphis Cash for Checks because there was a sign in the window that said "we cash checks" in both English and Spanish. After proving I am who my check says I am. Describing my job in detail. Calling the check issuer and explaining why I am not cashing this check at my bank. He handed me cash for my check (minus a 2 dollar charge)...and said next time it would be easier.

I deposited the cash and asked Missy about overdraft protection...but that is a story for another day.

For full disclosure: I went to several more similar places, but since none of them could help - I don't consider them worth mentioning. However, if you need to cash a check fast...go to the liquor store.