My Pomade Smells.

I have, for the past ~10 years, been in search of the perfect scent. One that really captures my essence. I have tried a few out, but have yet to be truly content with one that I can wear for the rest of my life. Most of the contenders are either too sweet or too fruity...neither of which are words I wish to be associated with my presence.

As I am preparing for a life in the medical profession, I realize it is more important than ever to find something that really sets me apart. My family doctor always has, and likely always will, hold the title of "Best Smelling Person I Know." Since I have known him (he delivered me) he has continued to impress me - whether it is on the football field (he was the team doctor), at Mi Ranchito (where it is difficult to distinguish many scents above the bliss) or the delivery room (I still hold to remembering the smell at birth) - he never lets me down. I want to do the same for my patients for years to come.

Currently, my deodorant is coming the closest to ideal - though I have yet to start rubbing it all over my body. And my old surf wax actually got some good compliments - when people happened to be near my head.

However, this will not do. My new pomade is sick. Sick, sick, sick. It smells like cheap rubber, burning.

Needless to say - I will be returning this crap to Walgreens.

Levya

This post contains vulgar and profane language. RAYOR

This past weekend I received a text message from an unknown number...it seemed important, and I didn't want to leave the person hanging...so I responded.

What follows is a transcript of the conversation - not suitable for adults.


Unknown: you made my prom shit nasty ho you stay way from darnell he only like u cuz u weak

Me: bitch, i don’t know what u talkin about

Uk: oh u know don’t pop da cherry if you aint ready to drink ta juice

Me: i dunno. Darnell like doing both 2 me

Uk: o girl this caints be u the ho don’t blame tis on darnell

Me: girl jus cuz u like the taste of his juice don mean u should b a bitch 2 me

Uk: u want to go where you at

Me: im waitin 4 darnell 2 come pick me up when he done wit u

Uk: fur real where you at i coming

Me: i not gonna tell u cuz id feel bad for messin u up

Uk: u know who my cuzin is dont you

Me:

Uk: wait tis aint krina who is dis

Me: who dis?

Uk: levya

Me: o. oops. Wrong girl.

Uk: actually this is [a mischievous married couple I know] – we’re sitting in the airport trying to pass time. Thanks for your help